Filler

Jul 02 2006

Chips with a KICK

Published by Nerdmaster at 10:10 pm under Opinions, Random Shit

I’ve tasted pain before, but never quite like this.

I rinse with Listerine. Most notably, the “Yellow Death” flavor (I think some people refer to it as “Original”). To me, that’s always seemed pretty hot. Leave it in your mouth longer than the recommended 30-60 seconds, and you’re liable to start crying like a schoolgirl. For real fun, go for 2 minutes, then rinse your mouth with hot water. Now that is painful.

Back to the story - Blair’s Death Rain Habanero chips make Listerine feel like a cool breeze on a hot summer day.

A friend from work brought these babies in and was offering them around. I tried one and found it a bit spicy, but no big deal. So I grabbed a couple more pretty quick. Funny twist… it seems that habaneros are the kind of spicy that takes about a minute to really hit. I guess God thought they’d be funnier that way or something.

Being a “man”, I felt it was my obligation not to show my pain, and eat some more when they were offered. By the end of my 10-chip run, I’d drank around a liter of water and couldn’t quite speak normally. When it was suggested I eat the crumbs at the bottom, my mind screamed at me to “duck and cover” (the neurons weren’t firing quite right, so they must’ve just latched onto whatever warning message they could find). Naturally, I instead casually acquiesced. I’m such a man.

So I ate what could only be described as a concentrated version of agony. I didn’t even flinch. Not once. Of course, once I left for the privacy of the bathroom I wept uncontrollably. Oh well.

This article might help explain how dangerous the chips really are.