Ode to bad devs, part 1: Harmony Central

I’d like to discuss shitty developers. Because there’s a rule that’s being violated out there by more than half the devs I’ve ever worked with, and it goes like this: developers are lazy, so we try to find ways to make our work easier.

The problem is some devs are so god damned lazy, they just churn out shit and don’t bother to even notice they’re wasting a ton of time. Continue reading

You Are Most Likely Incapable of Reading The Fucking Manual

From You Are Most Likely Misusing Docker, I quote:

Docker started as a tool to enable easier scaling of your applications….

Today docker is usually used to distribute applications instead of just for easier scaling. If you’re using docker for your development environment you’re probably not using docker for scaling, you’re using it to get a reproducable development environment.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg of dumb. Continue reading

Kik is wrong, but so are nodejs devs

Did you hear the one about the dev who broke nodejs?

Once upon a time there was a nodejs developer. He built stuff for the community that many people used. Then a side project, “kik”, got owned by a dick-company called Kik who refused to not be dicks. Then the developer pulled down a bunch of packages that ended up breaking the world. And everybody lived happily ever after. Continue reading

Why PHP will never give way to Go, Rust, Ruby, Python, etc….

PHP is an incredible language I fell in love with sometime around 2000. It simplified my Weblibs, which I had originally written as a bunch of Perl CGIs. I can’t recall the details, but I assure you that PHP was an amazing choice which improved the app tenfold. It definitely wasn’t due to my Perl skills being atrocious, or the benefit of hindsight when doing a code rewrite.

And then I was able to get fairly decent at PHP as I built more and more of my site on it. It’s truly an icon in Nerdbucket history! Continue reading

Is it time for “Building a Static Site for Dummies”?

When you need a static site, is your first thought “can I use Rails”? If so, you’re a fucking idiot just like the author of the worst article on static sites ever written.

In particular, this passage makes me weep bitterly:

What if your requirements don’t require a dynamic server but you still want to use a mature web application framework your familiar with and trust such as Express or Rails.

Continue reading

Transpilers are not what you think

tl;dr: Explaining terms you don’t understand makes smart people ignore your article. And I’m not even all that smart, so… this must be pretty fucked.

Please don’t start your articles with a “What is X” when you have no god damn idea what the fuck you’re talking about. For instance, if you were wondering to yourself one day, “what is transpiling?”, you’d be making a huge mistake by reading the first paragraph of Hail, Babel! The Transpiling Overlord.

The author’s just plain stupid. Continue reading

Go Dependency Freezing

I’m diggin’ Go, but I’ve noticed there’s a tendency to “freeze” third-party code directly into one’s repositories on github. This is absolutely awful in my opinion – the code isn’t a part of your project, so it has no place in your repository! I do understand the problems, trust me, but this approach has some issues a lot of folks won’t realize until they’re hit HARD by a show-stopper. Continue reading

My new favorite error message

I wanted to turn a service on for a CentOS system, so naturally I ran chkconfig foo on. I forgot to run sudo first.

The message I got: You do not have enough privileges to perform this operation.

I don’t know why, but that makes me smile. I guess I sort of picture some bizarre currency called a “privilege”, and if you don’t have enough of those, you can’t afford to do stuff on the server. You don’t have enough privileges! Go find some more or get the fuck outta my server! Maybe if you and your buddies all pool your privileges you’ll be able to enable that service.

I half expect an in-app purchase window to pop up offering to sell me bundles of privileges. 10 privileges for $0.99, or BEST DEAL 100 privileges FOR JUST $4.99! Most Popular